just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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