I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
