I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
