after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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