great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
