I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
