And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
