I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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