Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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