he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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