I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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