It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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