you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
