to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
