we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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