i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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