the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
