she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
