So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
