What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
