How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
