I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
