every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
