Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
