dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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