i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
