guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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