Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The best revenge is premature balding
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
