i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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