I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
