why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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