my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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