how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
