im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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