dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
