Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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