In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
