I don't think brook has ever known best
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
