; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
