I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
