I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
