lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
