I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
