we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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