I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
