Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
