Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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