Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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