"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
