I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
