You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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