my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
