My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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