I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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