This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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