just come out here and I will go home with you...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
